Movie Reviews
The Extremely Long, Slightly Unhinged, and Questionably Accurate Review of Movies From 2025
(A 3,000-Word Cinematic Roast, Celebration, and Mild Cry for Help)
Welcome to 2025 at the movies, a year when Hollywood once again proved three things beyond a shadow of a doubt:
There is no franchise too dead to reboot.
Every movie must be either three hours long or 84 minutes and confusing.
Somewhere, somehow, a studio executive said: “Yes. That’s the one.”
This is not a tidy “Top 10” list. This is a cinematic buffet—blockbusters, indie darlings, sequels nobody asked for, reboots nobody trusted, and at least one movie that feels like it was written entirely by an algorithm that recently got dumped.
Strap in. Silence your phone. Sneak in snacks. Let’s review movies of...
